It's true that raising your child or teenager doesn't come with a manual! From the early days, you have to get to know your child in all their uniqueness and discover through a lot of trial and error how they need to be parented. But there is a wealth of insightful writing about parenting and family relationships both by professional therapists and parents who learnt over time what doesn't work with their children and had to develop a new approach. Below is my selective list of books, courses, websites and other resources that many of my clients have found helpful in navigating their own parenting journey.
On discipline, co-operation and emotion coaching:
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Book by John Gottman
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlich
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7. Book by Joanna Faber & Julie King
Between Parent and Child. Book by Dr Haim G. Ginott. Revised and updated by Dr Alice Ginott & Dr H. Wallace Goddard
No Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Book by Daniel J. Siegal & Tina Payne Bryson
Children are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident and Compassionate Children. Book by John Gray
An article on how to gain co-operation from a child without resorting to 'consequences': https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/How_to_Motivate_Kids_Without_Consequences_We_Have_a_Problem_How_Should_We_Solve_It
A short outline of Emotion Coaching steps: https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/the-6-step-process-for-emotion-coaching-when-your-child-is-upset
Tuning In To Kids: Emotionally Intelligent Parenting - a parenting course developed by Sophie Havighurst & Ann Harley, University of Melbourne. You can search to see if this group course is being offered near you or online via this website: http://www.resourcingparents.nsw.gov.au/Parents
On relationship and attachment-based parenting:
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. Book by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzel
Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting can help you nurture your child's attachment, emotional resilience, and freedom to explore. Book by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper & Bert Powell
Circle of Security Parenting - an early intervention program for parents developed by Kent Hoffman et al. You can search to see if this group course is being offered near you or online via this website: http://www.resourcingparents.nsw.gov.au/Parents
Circle of Security International website and particularly its resources page have good outlines of the main principles for supporting a secure attachment with your child: https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/resources-for-parents/
Aha Parenting website: www.ahaparenting.com
Hand in Hand Parenting website and this article on 'partnering' with children: https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2013/08/partnering-with-your-child/
On sibling rivalry and conflict:
Siblings Without Rivalry: Helping your children live together so you can live too by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlich
https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/siblings/siblings-101
https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/behaviour/sibling-fights/sibling-fighting
On problem-solving, building skills and finding solutions with children:
Kids' Skills: Playful and practical solution-finding with children. Book by Ben Furman
Ben Furman teaches parents and professionals his 15 step practical method for helping children overcome emotional and behavioural difficulties through turning problems into skills. See: https://www.kidsskillsacademy.com/about-the-method/
See also the Kids' Skills app developed for parents: https://www.kidsskillsapp.com/
A brief guide to problem-solving when feelings are running high: https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/words_what_to_say_to_child
On parenting teenagers:
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk. Book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlich
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. Book by Daniel J. Siegal
Tuning In To Teens: Emotionally Intelligent Parenting - a parenting course developed by Sophie Havighurst et all, University of Melbourne. You can search to see if this group course is being offered near you or online via this website: http://www.resourcingparents.nsw.gov.au/Parents
A good article about how to navigate the necessary shifts in your relationship when your child enters adolescence: https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/family-parenting/parent-adolescent-relationship/
Ever thought about the letter your teenager can't write to you? http://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2016/7/4/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you
These resources cover just a few key topic areas in the land of parenting which, nevertheless, still apply across the full gamut of problems and challenges that parents and carers face in raising a child or teenager. Some one-to-one parent coaching can provide more tailored support and guidance to help you strengthen your family relationships, prevent problems getting worse or find a new approach to a stuck pattern of behaviour in your child. If the circumstances of your situation are complex and you're contending with mental health issues, high conflict, violence or a history of trauma, reaching out to a qualified counsellor or psychologist who specialises in parenting, child development and family relationships can help.
"Thank you so much. This feels like one of the most insightful and productive conversations I've had about my daughter and my parenting. I've lost that sick feeling in my stomach and I can see more clearly what I've done well and what I need to work on to get the trust and influence back with her." (Janine, parent of teenager)
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